As we travel from active addiction to recovery, we made a more important transformation. When we were in our active addiction, and for some of us even before that, we would portray ourselves as a victim. One of the more profound things that the late great Zig Ziglar said was “if you are born poor it is not your fault. If you die poor it is your fault.“ We can easily change the focus from poor to victim. As I consider my upbringing, I could easily consider myself a victim. I was the middle of seven children, born to an alcoholic father, I had a codependent mother and we were poor more often than not. We were a poster child for a dysfunctional family. In turn, I was a poster child for future addiction. So, in many cases, I could consider myself a victim. I became addicted to alcohol essentially the first time I drank. I drank the first time because I could get away with it. I drank the second time, until alcohol took control, because of the effect it had on me the first time. Drinking alcohol and its effect took me from being a victim to a sense of neutrality. I certainly wasn’t a victor, but being a victim didn’t hurt quite as much.
A victim is a person who is in a particular position through deceit or being cheated. This can occur by their own emotions or ignorance or by the dishonesty of others. At some point in my life, I had to accept my victimhood as being part of my upbringing. Eventually, I understood remaining a victim was my decision. At some point, I had to decide if I was to be helped it would be me that would have to initiate it.
For me, the opposite of being a victim was ownership. Once I decided my pain was more than I could bear and no one was going to come to save me, my only option was personal ownership. The challenge was, how does someone who spent their life as a victim take ownership? The answer is very simple, yet it had alluded me for so long. I was 32 years old when I first came into active treatment. I had known for many years the depths of my condition, the damage it had caused and was continuing to cause. It wasn’t until I became “sick and tired of being sick and tired“ that I did something about it. Here is a list of things that I did and in many cases still doing to this day.
- The first thing I did was admit I had a problem.
- I then began reaching out in hopes that someone who could help me would hear me.
- I next abandoned my condition of being a victim and migrated to the people who would help me take ownership.
- The next thing I did was follow their plan as a cancer patient would follow the advice of their doctor.
- I understood that this was tangible and theoretical life and death.
- I began implementing the techniques and strategies that they insisted must be followed. Once I did this,
- I found myself changing and I liked the results that that change was bringing.
- I decided at that point, to continue my pursuit of moving from victim to owner.
- Over 34 years later I am still doing the same thing.
- I do them to different degrees with greater insight, but I still do them. I have found this to be very consistent with every person who is successful in life-changing recovery. If you no longer want to be a victim I beg of you to follow the path that I followed. I wish you well in your recovery journey.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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