The first time I heard this phrase it hit me right in the face. It was so obvious. However, it meant I had to look at myself. Which meant it rubbed against my own pride—creating even more value for the simple phrase. I have said so many times that I never grow when I am comfortable. That is an easy thing to say in retrospect.
The discipline comes in being aware of when our thoughts start spinning in the past (which is unchangeable), or when they shift to the future (anxiety over an unknown), or when they start being about someone else’s choices or actions.
If you had told me five years ago that my life would look even more confounding on paper than it did currently, that I would be living with serenity and hope, my home would be a safe space for me, my children, and others, I would not have had the capacity to believe that. However, in fact, that is my story. In those 5 years, my son was diagnosed with a rare congenital heart condition. He has had four heart surgeries, three of them as an emergency. I am now a single parent to three teens. Their father is currently battling multiple cancers.
Shame is often negatively implied and applied so we tend to shy away from shame instead of understanding the positive impact and influence healthy shame can have
How many of us forget to charge our phones or devices daily? We rely on them for everything from business to our most intimate relationships. We know they do not work if they are not powered up. And so, it is with us. Why would I not avail myself the help my Higher Power willingly offers me? The eleventh step in Al-anon says, “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” In that spirit, after working the previous ten steps, I seek daily to be powered up in Him.
Once again, in many aspects of life musts are negotiable and other areas of life they are not. I could give other examples but let’s move on to recovery from addiction. This addiction can either be substance based and or behavioral.
I should be more truthful in my objectivity to areas needing to be corrected. Far too often I am willing to negotiate with the truth.
As do many concepts and ideas, things look much easier on paper than they are when we play them out in real life. Moving from fear to living in faith is one of those things. We must do this if we are to become well.
Step Ten suggests a daily honest appraisal of ourselves. I am human, and even the most rigorous undertaking of steps 1-9 will still leave me with room for daily and ongoing improvement. I can view this opportunity with resistance or a welcome chance to clean the slate each day.
No one really knows what it takes for an individual to get to a place where they can no longer deny or dispute the obvious facts surrounding the depth of their addiction. For every person, they come to their own place and time if they are to get well. As I previously stated, most of those addicted will either die or live a life that is minimized and happiness if any is realized at all.
As we go down this road of reinventing ourselves, reclaiming the things that we lost is a priority. Two of the areas we lost related to personal power and personal time. Since our life became so out of control any semblance of power was imagined and when it was real it was fleeting. Our personal time was equally affected.
One of the most challenging things that any of us do is finding what works. When we start down the journey of recovery we must decide what is going to work for us. When I was an obese person I tried various diets and types of activity that could help promote healthy food choices for me. I ultimately decided on gastric bypass surgery. That procedure ultimately gave me a new start. It would also transform me physically that could allow me better control and helped me change my mental approach to food. It’s the same thing with any type of recovery. Regardless of where we are at in our personal life and whatever we are looking to overcome, we must find out what is going to work for us.