The Need to Belong Definition is from a reference by Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497-529.
“The need to belong refers to the idea that humans have a fundamental motivation to be accepted into relation-ships with others and to be a part of social groups. The fact that belongingness is a need means that human beings must establish and maintain a minimum quantity of enduring relationships. These relationships should have more positivity than negativity and be meaningful and significant to the relationship partners”.
In my 34-year recovery journey I don’t know of anything that has more impact on a person’s quality or quantity of sobriety. The need to belong is foundational to anything we will ever do in our recovery journey. I believe it is so strong that unless we solve this area we will never have long-term recovery. Any recovery we do have will be limited in its quality. I know this sounds like an absolute and authoritative position, but I make no apology for it. I will go on to further say, until a person fulfills this need to belong, and is fulfilled in this area, they will be limited in both their quantity and their quality of wellness. After a relapse, it would turn out to be my only relapse, back in 1986 I sat with a man who spoke to me a “love disorder” that was the foundational reason for my drinking and using which was the clause of my addiction and behavioral challenges. At first, it bothered me that he would relegate something so big into a two-word disorder. I like many people want to think I’m much more complicated than that, but I am not. The truth of the matter is, my need to belong is the most powerful need that needs to be met. Until that need is met my degree of true happiness will always be limited. I had to come to understand that my need to belong was stamped into my DNA. Until I could meet that need to belong I would never be content nor happy to the degree that I sought happiness. I had been on this journey of learning how to belong to myself and realizing the personal power that I have in being comfortable with me. This revelation of internal peace, happiness and belonging has allowed me to fulfill my need to belong wherever I’m at and whoever I am with. That is not to say that I don’t feel a sense of emptiness in the depth of relationships I would like to have with certain people or things. What it does mean is that even while I am waiting for that to occur, I have my need met. My need to belong is fulfilled within me and my higher power. Everything beyond that is in addition and even a welcome to what I already feel. I hope this has helped you understand that our need to belong is natural and it can surely be met as part of a power recovery journey.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
All posts by Robert Pardon