Maybe one of the hardest things to come to terms with is that there are going to be family members and loved ones who won’t support your recovery. I know this sounds crazy on the surface, but think about it for a moment. It is not that they don’t want us well, it is that they don’t know how to deal with it.
This situation that most of us come out of is that of imbalance, confusion, frustration and roles both undefined or unfilled. Most people who we are still around during the end of our drinking and using have had to make great adjustments to co-exist with our disease. That is why they are referred to as co-dependents. People have to adjust and live off balance in order for their life to make sense with a drug addict or alcoholic. This need for “homeostasis” is natural and will be sought even on a sub-conscious level.
When we begin to recover we begin to change and want to function within the family unit and maybe assume some responsibility. Because most all people near and dear to us lost faith and trust some time ago our new stance becomes a threat because now a new “balance” or state of homeostasis must take place for that sense of normalcy to remain.
Unfortunately for us, we forget that it was our addiction that caused this mess in the first place and we usually react negatively to the reaction we get. What we need to remember is that time and consistency is going to be our best allies. Just as in the past we asked for their patience with us we now need to extend that same degree of patience to them.
What I suggest is to relax and focus on what is in front of us and that is one day at a time to stay clean and sober, go to meetings, talk to our sponsor and learn to enjoy what we have been given. It might take a month or 2 or it might take a year, but sooner or later those around us will begin to trust and they will embrace our recovery as we have.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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