Not Alone – When I first came to Alcoholics Anonymous I was the loneliest person in a crowd. I remember being at a concert at the LA Coliseum with 100,000 people around me and yet feeling isolated and alone.
I had even come to the event with a group of friends and yet the feeling of being alone came upon me. I remember not understanding why I would feel alone, but nevertheless I did.
This feeling was not uncommon and my loneliness would grow so deep that as my drinking and using progressed to the chronic stage I often preferred to be by myself. It was during those times that I would consider suicide.
I want to contrast that feeling of despair and being lost to the first time I went to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. The very first time I went to an AA meeting I was at once amazed at the friendliness of those attending.
When the meeting began and they started to read out of the Big Book I was even more amazed. I could not believe that a group who did not know me would know so much of how I felt and what I had gone through.
It got even crazier when people started sharing their stories. It was as if they were “reading my mail”. I began to feel a sense of belonging and the loneliness began to slip away. For the first time in the longest time I began to feel like I belonged.
This continued and on for several weeks. Then one day during the middle of a meeting I began to cry. I realized for the first time that I was no longer alone and even more so, I was HOME!!!
That realization kept me coming back over and over. Then the 12 Steps of Recovery began to take place in my mind and the love of God was taking up residency in my heart.
I have never looked back and I have never, not even once felt alone again. Because when you are home you are home for good. May God bless you and keep you.
Now, go make a positive significant difference in the life of one person today.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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