Do you remember when you first came into personal recovery? Do you remember feeling alone, having a feeling of depression, destitute, companionless, solitaire, as if you were standing apart? If you felt this way, as so many of us did, then you just described the classic definition of lonely. I am not sure if emotional and personal loneliness came because of my alcoholism or if my addictive nature was brought on because of the loneliness that I felt. Either way, I am so glad the foundation of recovery is built upon the fellowship of individuals who have decided to live. After I had come back from my relapse, I began to investigate the root causes of my compulsive and addictive drinking and using drugs. I began to look at the reasons I was no longer compelled to drink or use. When I narrowed down what was happening to me, I realized for the first time in my life, I did not feel alone. I did not feel like I was isolated or less than, a person. I began to feel that I was contributing to others as others were contributing to me. In the preamble of Alcoholics Anonymous, it reads “Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience strength and hope with each other.”

When you come from the place of loneliness and a feeling of isolated separation, as so many of us do, embracing the fellowship was like breathing fresh air after living in a smoke-filled room. The more I attended meetings and felt the warmth of the fellowship of others the more encouraged I became. I not only wanted to be like them, but I also wanted to learn what they had learned to feel the way that they felt. Fellowship helped me not feel alone anymore and I became a student of recovery. The more I learned about recovery from an intellectual standpoint the more balance I found. The emotion of not being lonely combined with the intellectual understanding of my disease combined with my practical recovery made for the most powerful combination. As I gained more emotional support, my loneliness dissipated and turned into a feeling of camaraderie. The more I learned about the practicality of the AA’s 12 steps, the more I understood the plan of recovery. Have you ever heard of synergy? Synergy is when two elements interact with each other, and they produce a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual elements. For example, when you take one and add it to two you do not just get three. One plus one does not make two. We end up with a number far exceeding what the addition would normally indicate. This is a synergistic effect. Synergy is what was happening to me on an emotional and intellectual level. I added emotional security by removing my degree of loneliness and replacing it with personal confidence. I developed a practical understanding of how to recover. It exploded into energy from the inside out. I became an unstoppable force of sobriety. It is why I continue to practice this over 35 years later. If this were not true, I would have stopped years ago. It has been proven to me that the more I give in these areas the more I get. I came in as lonely and despaired as anyone you have ever known. Today, I am a most confident and emotionally fulfilled person. This is not by accident. If you understand this degree of loneliness, I am here to tell you can be “lonely no more.” I am inviting you into a space where you can grow as a person. That growth occurs from the inside out. It is a realistic representation of what true personal power was designed to represent. I hope you have followed me on this journey. Thank you for taking the time today.

Robert Pardon

Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.

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