Recovery – My past had no order. My life was the cousin of confusion and the last thing I wanted in my life was uniformity and order. I did not want anyone dictating anything to me at any time. I was the captain of my own ship and I would die before I left you control or direct my life.
Well, I almost did die. Fortunately for me, by the time I had arrived at Alcoholics Anonymous I was what is called “sweetly reasonable.” I realized soon enough the 12 Steps were essential to my recovery. Not only was I told that I must do/take/apply/incorporate etc. the 12 Steps, but they were ordered for a reason. Nevertheless, I wanted to treat the steps as I would view a buffet. I knew everything was good, but I was willing to skip the vegetables to get to the meat and I am not much of a dessert guy so more potatoes were to my liking.
I tried it that way for a while and it worked right up until the time I got drunk. I had the best of intentions that my selfish and self-centered version could muster at the time, but as the saying goes the road to another drunk are paved with good intentions. I know my relapse was. I didn’t set out to relapse. There is something called “Natural Consequences” and my consequences for not taking the steps in order and as advised was to go get drunk. Looking back, it was inevitable.
When I came back to AA I was reminded of the value of the Step 1 and why it was the First Step and how I could build my sobriety on understanding why I can no longer safely drink or use ever again. I was told that even though AA/NA gives out “chips” for various lengths of sobriety no one ever got a medal for doing them the fastest or for coming up with a better order. I watched some of the people that had what I wanted and saw what they did. I needed no more convincing.
Sometimes the process is slow and painful and we think we just can’t make it. That is when your reliance on God comes into play. That is when a meeting can be most powerful. That is when helping someone else shows its strength. That is when talking to your sponsor is a great idea. There are so many things we could be doing while we are waiting for the miracle of recovery to occur.
Page 83 Big Book of AA;
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through . . .
1. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
2. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
3. We will comprehend the word serenity.
4. We will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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