When it comes to two-edged swords none is sharper than guilt. Guilt is one of those things that can motivate to change or hold us hostage and paralyze us from doing anything.
Guilt is defined as the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
The biggest challenge with guilt in recovery is that we hold onto it far too long. We often use guilt as a two by four to beat ourselves over the head with when we are looking for a reason to feel badly.
According to Psychology “Today guilt is a natural emotional response when we bring harm to another. Guilt is self-focused but also highly socially relevant: It is thought to serve important interpersonal functions by, for example, encouraging the repair of valuable relationships and discouraging acts that could damage them.” In excess, guilt may needlessly burden those who experience it.
Along with excess, needless guilt is very destructive. Some of the things that we can do to combat guilt are:
- Identify the areas where guilt is generated
- Isolate and distinguish between things we do directly and things we allow
- Stop engaging in the behavior that promotes guilt
- Eliminate the people, places or circumstances that place guilt on us
- Associate with people who live guilt free and find out what they are doing
- Meditate on positive thoughts that relieve us of real or imagined negativity
- Continue to personally and objectively evaluate ourselves for guilt patterns
- Find trustworthy people and become accountable to them
- Learn to identify the emotions that accompany guilt
- Be open to what others say/do for evaluation purposes only. Only own what is yours
Doing these things will help increase our accountability and help eliminate the need to feel badly over things from our past. The only thing we have control over is making amends for what we have done and to cease from doing it. We cannot control what others think or do. Our obligation is to become the best possible version of ourselves so we can become the best we can be for others. Guilt is more often a painful tool for those wishing to feel badly about their past. The past is exactly what it says it is. The past is the past and why we carry it into makes no sense whatsoever.
Set aside guilt and let everyone own what is theirs to own. Once again, once we apologize for something and cease doing it, we are no longer bound to or under the obligation of guilt.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
All posts by Robert Pardon