One of the biggest challenges of our early recovery Is learning to step out of self and be more concerned about others. Accomplishing this will help open all the necessary doors for us to learn all that we need to learn to understand practical recovery. In the big book of alcoholics anonymous it says that “selfishness and self-centeredness we believe this is the cause of all of our problems”. I have no doubt that this is 100% true. It is only when we face in this objectively can we get past it. One of the challenges with being selfish and only been concerned with us in that moment is that we preach at people by rejecting their suggestions. One of the cornerstones of recovery is those who have recovered or have been around for a while reach out to those who are new or relatively new. When these individuals reach out there doing so with the hope of that newcomer learning what they need to learn to and or diminish what is called “needless suffering”. When I am self-absorbed I cannot see their intentions or even their practical instruction. If it does not suit me in a moment or “make my feel-good feel good”, I tend to reject it. I’d get a feeling of grandiosity or “who were you to tell me”. I need to step out of self long enough to admit that I don’t know anything about my addiction or recovery as a practice. Everything I knew and did got me to the position I am in. Which for me was helplessly and hopelessly addicted to alcohol and other substances. Once I become what is called “we believe reasonable” and set aside that part of self that says I know better, I am then can be ready to learn. The more I’m willing to set aside what I think I know the more apt I am to learn something that will benefit me. Not only will what I learn benefit me, but who I learned from will become an even greater resource for me moving forward. There is a fantastic quote by bill W, cofounder of alcoholics anonymous. The quote goes like this “contempt prior to investigation is a bar against all information and will lead to everlasting ignorance”. This is what self is capable of doing. Before I even I know whether something or someone makes sense I’m rejecting them because the mood strikes me to reject them. That in and of itself is a bar or restriction to the information that very possibly could help me in ways that I need to be held at that time. The best thing for me to do is to understand that there is nothing wrong with saying I don’t know. Setting myself aside, which is usually a mask for my fear, long enough to learn that there is another way to do something. There is a way where I can become well. There is a way for me to recover. I do have to get out of my own way long enough which requires me to get out of self. I hope this has helped. If there’s anything that I can do for you, please reach out to let me know.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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