| Like anything in life, if it were easy everyone would be doing it. Self-esteem is one of those things and how I see myself is in direct correlation to my self-esteem. When I first entered recovery I continued to believe that self-esteem was how you saw me. Because of that, I would become a different person in different situations based on what I thought you needed. I was very wrong. Self-esteem is how we see ourselves as a person. If I value the type of person I am, I have a good sense of self-esteem and I am pleased to be me. When I value my skills and talents, respect my own intelligence then I can act on my beliefs and feelings. The key is to feel better about me. The below are tips on how to start. keep in mind, the suggestions I am going to give you are also part of building healthy boundaries. One of the things that increase my self-esteem is those who I invite into my life and those who I steer away from. Listen only to Positive Self Talk and Push Negative Talk Out This is a technique that will take time to develop. When we do not learn to push negativity out as we introduce a positive perspective, we will continue to pollute and water down the things that are positive. Most of us have a steady mental dialogue with ourselves. Do you ever listen to what you are saying? Do you put yourself down or call yourself names? Learn to hear the things you say about yourself, and then replace that dialogue with positive images. Stop negative self-talk and take the first step toward a more positive self-image. Recognize Accomplishments This is something that we can do and not be boasting from an ego standpoint. Recognizing accomplishments is one of the most important things we can do as we transition to a person of value. Make a list of your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem to you. You will not win a Nobel Prize, but your accomplishments have worth. By recognizing them, you can begin to understand that you are important and that you have self-worth. Be Assertive Do not confuse being assertive with being pushy. Nobody likes a pushy person. However, if we do not learn how to assert our position based on clear communication we will rarely be heard and when we are heard we stand the chance of our intention not being effectively communicated. Learn to be assertive and to practice clear communication. Say what you mean and respect what others have to say. Remember that you have rights, too. Be Tolerant Tolerance is an extension of kindness. In Alcoholics Anonymous, it reads “love and tolerance is our code.” when we are kind and understanding of others as we would view them through their eyes, not through our judgmental eyes, we stand a much better chance of being tolerant. Be tolerant of yourself and others. Nobody is perfect! Try not to criticize yourself or other people and do not expect others to criticize you. Recognize that a mistake is only a mistake and do not dwell on it. Know Good Friends-Stick with the winners One of the unwritten rules that we learn in recovery is to “change old playgrounds and old playmates. It has been my experience that most people who have addictions are also codependent. We may have an emotional attachment that goes beyond an intellectual reason to stay in contact with this person. This is where the advice and counsel of a mentor/ sponsor can be of excellent value to us. Spend time with people who value you. Listen to what they say about you. If others are constantly putting you down, you might want to reconsider those relationships. People you choose to be around are often mirrors of how you feel about yourself. You can find the best in yourself and others by expecting it. Do Something Nice for Others One of the things I noticed about people who embraced recovery as a lifetime journey was how they treated other people. We come from a background of using people for our own selfish means rather than an opportunity to serve them. Giving back, it has become one of the most important things to me in my personal recovery. How else can I say thank you any better than being kind to another person? One of the best ways to feel good about ourselves is to find value in others and follow that up by doing something kind for them. A kind word or a simple act of kindness, but either way it will mean something to them and to you. I am convinced that if we commit to these types of things, we will have a long successful journey of recovery. Not only will our journey be successful in terms of quantity, but our quality of life will exceed almost all our expectations. |
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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