Let me preface this blog by saying I remember being new and how uncomfortable being new can be. No one likes to feel like an outsider while they are trying to get on the inside. One of the most important things to remember about recovery and
the people we will meet along the way is that everyone was new at one time. The
sooner we can understand that, the sooner we will realize that everyone knows
how we are feeling.
When we first enter this world of recovery we are encouraged to identify as a newcomer. That can be challenging for many of us. One of the biggest reasons it is a challenge is we are so prideful and we do not want to admit that we are defeated. Many of us won’t raise our hand or acknowledge our newcomer status because for fear of rejection. We already carry so much shame with us that being reminded of the reasons that we are in recovery is only exasperated by identifying as a newcomer. I think we can make far too much out of what being a newcomer means. it is better to admit that we are a newcomer so we can hear and see the people’s response. The response is not accompanied by any sense of superiority in their response. Being a newcomer simply means a “a person who is new in their arrival”. I was so grateful I was encouraged to raise my hand as a newcomer. We spend so much time isolated and feeling like we’re not wanted, needed or cared for in our previous experiences. When we enter the rooms of recovery, for many of us, there is a level of acceptance and caring that has eluded us for some time. We are a people who behaved our way out of feeling part of environments that were healthy and conducive to emotional sharing. I would raise my hand at every meeting I attended in my first 60 days. In many ways, even today, I feel like a newcomer. As we go down this recovery road there are many new and exciting challenges and opportunities that are before us. Many of these we have never experienced before while some of them we never experienced them clean, sober or devoid of any negative behavior. Therefore, I could be in recovery for months, year’s or even decades and still consider myself a newcomer. There is only a shame where I choose to feel shame. It takes such great courage to enter recovery. Only the most serious people succeed. Every one of us has been a newcomer. Once we realize how we were being greeted because of identifying as a newcomer we were encouraged to continue to raise our hand. Newcomers need help and there is no shame in needing help. When I raise my hand as a newcomer I am identifying with those in the meeting and I am identified as a person who would welcome their help. The only shame in being a newcomer comes from a self-imposed feeling. The reality is there is no shame in being a newcomer. I hope, if you do experience shame you get over it rather quickly so we can join hands to become well together.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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