One of the absolute truths of life is that we cannot choose what happens to us but we can choose our Attitude toward what happens to us. Early on in my personal recovery I heard the adage “it’s not what they say and it’s not what they do, it’s how I react”. This might be the most introspective questions a person can ask themselves. One of the most prominent mentors of my life would asked me one simple question. When he saw me upset about some thing or someone, his question was “why does that bother you“. He wasn’t asking whether I was righteous in my being bothered, but he was just asking me to look within to see why I was. Was my reaction something that affected me personally or was it something more to do with pride? The ability to choose our attitude is a learned behavior that is foundational to my serenity. Without serenity, even things that are positive aren’t fully enjoyed and the things that are negative are blown out of proportion. So how do I achieve this lofty mindset of being able to choose my attitude? I think it starts with being comfortable with me and my personal decisions. Secondly, it’s a challenge that I make positive personal choices. If I am satisfied with the person I am today, knowing that I always need to be growing, and I am making positive choices based on myself and others, there’s nothing left for me to do. At some point, I must understand that there were things outside of me personally, professionally, physically, spiritually and things involving the universe at large.
When I do struggle with not having a positive attitude it is likely to do with control or the lack thereof. It is not to say there’s anything wrong with an initial reaction that could be an emotional response or even a mental objection. To deny that would deny my humanity. Once I process that which I don’t have a positive or constructive attitude toward I must then understand why it does bother me. Is there an area that I need to tend to in my life that this event reminds me of? Could it be that I am having some type of relationship with a person I know is not positive for me in my life or is it that I grow impatient with my higher power in doing for me when I was unable to do for myself. These are questions that need to be addressed. Once I address them, I must deal with and resolve them. When I don’t do this, the circumstance or person controls me and my attitude plummets. It is only when I go through a thorough process and make a subjective choice to choose wisely. When I choose wisely I am choosing an attitude that is in alignment with who I am and further desire to be. Rest on these things and let me know what you think. I hope you choose an attitude that is reflective of your heart’s desire.
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Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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