Addiction – One of, if not the biggest challenge every person of addiction must face, is to admit that they have lost before they ever stand a chance of winning. While this sounds contradictory it is necessary for anyone desiring to get off the merry go-round of addiction and onto the road of recovery.
Before I go any further, let me say, because I believe that most people listening to me now are the ones seeking help I am going to speak directly to you.
Before you get to this first stage you must understand that alcohol or drugs no longer serve the purpose they once did. Matter of fact, you have probably known this truth for some time now, but have been trapped by the spiraling effects of addiction and have lost the will power to do anything about it. The more you admit this truth, the more despair; and the more despair, the more you use; the more you use, the deeper the dependence and addiction. It was this way for me and thousands I have spoken to and counseled, and it is the same for you, isn’t it?
Alcoholics Anonymous calls it “admitting you are powerless over alcohol and your life has become unmanageable.” I’ll tell you what they told me, “If you’re not sure you are an alcoholic stick around, because you will do until one shows up”. I wonder if you just had the same reaction to that statement that I had? When I first heard that, I thought, “Who do you think you are telling me to stick around, you are the one who should stick around.” But, do you know what? They were right when they said that to me and I am right when I say that to you. My hope for you is that you stick around as I did.
I had to admit I had lost my ability to control every aspect of my drinking and using. If I wasn’t getting drunk or high, I was thinking about my next opportunity, or getting over the previous night. You might be thinking you are not that bad now and maybe you’re right. But, why get there if you don’t have to? The likelihood is that you’re there already and it is only your denial that is keeping you from admitting the depth of your problem and the degree that your using controls you. I doubt if anyone who gets this far in searching for answers doesn’t already know the truth, and the truth is that for some time now you have lost the ability to control your alcohol and or drug use. If you are not already convinced and further evidence is needed let’s take a look at your life.
The last time you drank or used, did you use more than you originally said you would, or leave for home later than you promised yourself or someone else? Have you ever lost a job, promotion, or days off work because of your usage? Do you show up on Monday feeling like garbage or start thinking about Friday night when you get to work Friday morning?
How about your personal relationships with friends, co-workers, spouse, family members and children? The list could go on and on. When was the last time you told yourself you were going to go “on the wagon” only to find yourself back in the same old situation shortly thereafter? Even when you are on the wagon and it does last for a week or two, or maybe even a month or two, the whole time you’re sitting on your hands, irritable, and in the back of your mind you are planning your next high. How often does one more turn into five, and five to ten? You know exactly what I’m talking about and the only question I have for you is…
When is it going to sink into your head that you truly are powerless over alcohol and or drugs and your life is getting out of control? What are you going to have to lose before you realize that you will never win, until you decide that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and it is not the wife, the kids, the job, the boss, the neighbor, the dog, the cat, the mom, the dad, the sister, the brother, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker–it is that you have refused to admit that the very same thing that used to work no longer works and you have lost the ability to say “I have had enough, I am done. I can no longer live this way. My addiction is killing me and unless I admit that I have lost I will never win.”?
Are you there yet? I remember the morning I looked into the mirror and cried out for help. I had lost my job the previous night and gambled my money away at a local bar, but I got to drink for free. I was living in Las Vegas at the time so finding a place to feed my addictions was never more than a couple of miles away. The day was February 15th, 1986 and it is as clear today as it was then.
Usually when I looked in the mirror I was able to get past the remorse of my reality and get onto my day rather quickly, but this day was different. When I looked in the mirror I was frightened as never before. The author Friedrich Nietzsche said, “When you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back at you”. That day I stared in the abyss, the darkness and despair that had become my life, and it stared back at me. I saw myself as one dying and it scared me beyond anything I had ever experienced. It was then and there in that moment, that moment of clarity as it has been called, when I realized that if something didn’t change, if I could not get off this roller coaster of addiction I was going to die from it. I was only 32 years old and I was going to die and I couldn’t do a thing about it. I was powerless over alcohol and drugs and my life had become unmanageable. It was only a matter of time. In my fear of dying and losing the last thing of value I had, my life, I cried out and sought help just as you have today. My problem was I didn’t want to die, but I lost all control over my living. I opened the yellow pages of all things and began searching under alcoholism.
After many rejections, I finally found a place that would accept an unemployed, uninsured, penniless drunk. That was over 21 years ago and that treatment center no longer exists. I thank God everyday for my sobriety and a place of refuge that showed me that if I was willing to lose I stood a chance of winning. Maybe Becoming Well Now is that place of refuge for you and those you love. Maybe, just maybe, if you are at the end of your rope and you have stared into the abyss and it stared back; or maybe your spouse has told you they are done, finished, and unless you get help they are leaving. Maybe a judge has told you one more DUI and they will lock you away.
I don’t what specifically has brought you here and it doesn’t really matter. What matters is “why you stay”. Are you willing to admit that you have lost the battle with yourself and that your addiction now rules some, if not all your life? Are you ready to surrender to lose so that you have a chance to win? I hope and pray that you are ready to surrender because if you are and you can become willing, just long enough to apply what I have learned, you too can become well and learn to live a life that you’ve only dreamt about.
In other segments, I am going to discuss things that I learned along the road to my recovery. Not only did I have to learn these things, but I had to learn how to apply them to my life. It started me out on a journey sometimes scary, sometimes hard, but always worth it.
Are you ready for the journey of a lifetime? Please say yes, your life, freedom and happiness depends on it.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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