As people of addiction, whether that is to a substance or behavior or both, confronting absolutes is something we reject. We never want to think things are black and white. This is especially true when one is trying to apply the black-and-white of the Absolute to us. Those of us in the addicted community, and even most codependence, like to live in an area of gray that fluctuates depending upon what we are trying to rationalize, minimize or deny. For the addict, we don’t like to deal in absolutes because once we come to an agreement with the absolute then we have an obligation to change from the negative status or connotation of that absolute to reverse or minimize the damaging effects of our behavior. The basic definition of the word “absolutely“ is something that is free from any restriction or condition. It is something that is independent, perfect, or complete. Some of the words considered to be absolute are all, none, must, every, always, only, and one of my favorite or not so favorite absolute words is never. As a person of recovery, I have learned to embrace many of these words that I used to reject. It is interesting that the definition of the word absolute has not changed nor are the words attributed to an absolute connotation. The common denominator is always me. I love the quote that says “it’s not so much as what needs to be changed in the world, but me and my attitudes.“
Today, I embrace words such as never, must, always, and every. First, I never intend to return to the life that did everything but destroys me physically. I never want to consider that life as anything but destructive. The positive things that came during that time were the pure grace of God and nothing short of that. I never want to consider myself as a person Who can safely engage in that type of substance addiction or behavior on any level. The minute I open the door the minute I am playing Russian roulette. Eventually, a round will end up in the chamber and I will die.
When it comes to words such as “must,“ I am reminded that there are things I must do daily to not only maintain my personal recovery and frame of mind but to elevate it as well. I must stay in a daily pattern of personal reflection, spiritual connection, and a resolve to help others based on what I have learned and grown through. As it states in the program of recovery, I share my experience, strength, and hope. Once again, these things I must do to stay in a position of personal recovery. One of the other absolute words that I despised hearing is the word “every.” I disliked this word so much because it described me and my negative approach to living so accurately. Every time I got some extra money in my pocket, I used it to buy alcohol or drugs. Every time I got a sense of freedom, I exploited my circumstance and harmed those who cared for me greatly. Most every place I went I went because it had something that I could use for my selfish means. One day, early on in my recovery, I heard a person say not every time I drank did, I get in trouble but every time I was in trouble I had been drinking. Once again, nothing had changed about the word or its inclusion with absolute words, it was me who had changed. I resonated with this person so much that it allowed me to see my full condition. I began to believe that every time I drank everything went wrong.
As we wrap up today’s blog the last word I want to discuss is always. As much as I wanted to ignore or minimize my reality, I was always experiencing problems as a direct result of my drinking/using and other behavioral outlets that are used during my addictions. I always needed to experience something different for that which I was feeling. I always started with alcohol and always added on various substances and/or behaviors that would enhance the effect of the alcohol. I always sought to escape from the reality of my feeling like a nothing. The tragic thing about that was I always felt like a nothing. In my personal recovery, I always start my day with gratitude. I always take my personal inventory. I always seek the wisdom and the power of God and I always seek to serve others based on the recovery I have been given. Are these words we discussed today absolutes? They absolutely are and I absolutely would not have it any other way. Be blessed to appreciate the absolutes in your recovered life.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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