What is denial? What is at the root of this word that makes it so destructive in the life of the addict? According to most definitions, denial or to deny is an assertion that something said, believed acknowledged, is false. It is also a refusal to believe a doctrine or theory. It is disbelief in the existence or reality of a particular act or thing. Furthermore, it is the refusal to satisfy a claim, request, desire, or the refusal of a person making it. It is the refusal to recognize or acknowledge something that we ought to be disowning. In the study of law, it is the refusal to acknowledge the validity of a claim, suit, or a plea that denies allegations of fact in a person’s plea.
As a person of recovery, I understand the above definitions and the result that keeps us from personal recovery. Oftentimes it is life circumstances. It may be a job that demands our continued performance. Sometimes it is school, relationships, finances, or other obstacles that prevent us from receiving the help that we need.
Having listed these obstacles, I believe the most powerful obstacle to my personal recovery is my denial. It has been said that substance abuse is one of the only diseases known to man that will tell you that you do not have it. Think about that for a moment, having a disease that tells you that you do not have the disease.
Not only does it say we do not have it, but it builds an entire system that is designed to reject any notion that we have a problem. This denial system travels deep and wide. By its very design, it rejects anyone or anything that would challenge the notion that we need help. It is so developed, that despite contradictory evidence, we believe anyone who would suggest we need help is the one who needs help.
This fraudulent denying belief system is so powerful that most people addicted to substances die end or have a less than pleasurable life as a direct result. It has been once said that alcohol and drugs are the most powerful solvent on the planet. It is so powerful that it will dissolve families, jobs, other personal relationships, and anything that stands in its way of controlling the person addicted.
The question becomes, who is going to win and who is going to lose? Is the evidence going to become so strong, that despite the evidence an addict denies the facts? Is the person in denial going to look in the mirror some morning and realize they can no longer rationalize or minimize where their life has grown? Once again, despite all the evidence that the person can see they remain in denial. How do they view those around them trying to convince them of the destruction? Most often the addict believes that the problem does not exist, it is not as bad as what other people say, or the people saying it are the actual problem.
No one really knows what it takes for an individual to get to a place where they can no longer deny or dispute the obvious facts surrounding the depth of their addiction. For every person, they come to their own place and time if they are to get well. As I previously stated, most of those addicted will either die or live a life that is minimized, and happiness if any is realized at all.
Despite the dangers of denial, once a person breaks through that rut and gets proper assistance and or treatment, they can turn their life 180 degrees and no longer resemble the person who had created the system of denial that stopped short of killing them.
To do this, the person addicted must adopt a new way of thinking that is supported by a new way of living. This would include, changing old playgrounds and old playmates. It would also include some type of social model or clinical assistance. Most importantly this person must follow a plan that is proven in assisting other people. They also must develop a relationship with a higher power. This power can be found reflected in others or in an object or a power source that they can trust has their best interest in mind. Without these steps, the most well-meaning person will relapse and be plunged into a deeper degree of denial. This deeper denial will kill them. I hope, we who have recovered, continue to work through challenges and opportunities. If you are the person still stuck in your own denial, I hope the next bottom you hit does not kill you but destroys your system of denial that will lead to a path of recovery. May God bless you and keep you until then.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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