The other day I came across a meme on Instagram and it struck me so much that I did a short little video and decided I was going to blog about it. In our addictive state, (whether the addiction is a substance or a person or a particular behavior) the same will apply. We become so competitive that it becomes another addiction.
Later on in recovery, I would learn from Stephen Covey that it was what he called “deficiency mentality”. It means that I don’t believe that the pie is big enough to feed you and me. Therefore, I am always competing with you for that slice of the pie. Now of course my metaphor is food, but I’m talking about life overall.
One of the most universally true traits of deficient people is we become selfish and self-centered in most areas of our lives. This is one of the reasons that my friend Tamiika’s post struck me the way that it did. As a side note, if you were looking to follow Tamiika on Instagram you can look her up @inheal.exhale. I found her approach to living very refreshing.
I think so often we need to be reminded that recovery is a combined journey. In our addiction, we remained separate from as many people as we thought necessary. We never wanted to see people achieve greatness, let alone mediocrity. We viewed greatness and even mediocrity as a nonreplaceable commodity. In other words, if they were achieving greatness or mediocrity, they would be limiting the available resource for me to achieve the same. I then began viewing others as the enemy instead of my addictive behavior that caused the separation between them and me.
The quote I am basing this blog on is “you can’t compete with me, I want you to win too.” Think about that for a moment. Not only think about that in your recovery, but the totality of your life. One of the most important things that I have learned as a person of recovery is that I need to surround myself with individuals who have achieved what I am hoping to achieve.
It would be inconsistent and even hypocritical of me to not root for their success while wishing I had the same success. There is a very tried quote and it reads “a rising tide lifts all boats.” Isn’t that a profound statement? Instead of viewing the rising of others as an impediment to my success, I now view it as my access. When I first came into recovery back in 1986, I was as selfish and self-centered as anyone you have ever met. One of the things that I noticed in the rooms of recovery is that everyone had the same goal and access to that goal was the fellowship that they had with one another.
There was no way to get to the goal of sobriety and lifelong recovery without accessing that through others who came in before me and those who would come after me. It became a paradigm shift for me and my recovery. The more I have become well, the more I examine this notion in every conceivable area of life. When I find myself not rooting for a person’s success the first thing I check is my ego. I ask myself, what is it about their success that threatens you and the success you hope for?
Once I do that, I can be fully grounded and applaud them while cheering them on as they pursue their next level of personal greatness. When I do, it frees me up mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. When I am operating freely in these four domains of life, I now open myself to the blessings of the universe. Not only that, when you realize that I am rooting for your success, you grow an interest in my success. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my recovery is that “it is not about me, it is about we.” it was always me that kept me from we.
It is only because of the we, that the me is strong. To say I love this phrase I have quoted today would be an understatement. It was a fantastic reminder of how I need to view others and their success as I would progress toward my success. I hope this has helped you today as you read as it has helped me construct and redirect my thinking. Be blessed have a wonderful day and no that I want you to win too.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
All posts by Robert Pardon