When I first came into recovery, back in 1985 I told myself I had enough. I tried Gamblers Anonymous and for a relatively short period that seemed to work. Some of the pressure was getting off me in my marriage and my workplace. In a relatively short period of time, I found myself becoming an isolated drinker. I was attempting to stay away from casinos and bars that had slot machines.
Little by little my drinking became worse. Instead of realizing that I had a problem with alcohol, I decided that Gamblers Anonymous did not work. My marriage was falling apart, I was losing my job, I no longer had a relationship with my parents, and family members would no longer talk to me. As you would expect, things began to get worse. Not just a little bit worse, but a lot worse and now I was facing homelessness without any financial resources.
Until I admitted I had hit bottom I could not go up. Not up in the sense that it was healthy upward movement or anything that would be sustained. My previous upward mobility was short-lived because I was only looking to relieve the immediate pressure. Once I went into treatment and admitted that I was an alcoholic, I begin to understand what a bottom was and from that point forward I was able to go up.
Earlier today, on one of my Facebook groups I was talking to a person who had not admitted they had reached their bottom, yet were wondering why they weren’t achieving some of the things in their life that they said were important to them. I knew they weren’t at their bottom because they continue to relapse. They kept saying they were willing to do anything to change the life that they were living, yet what they weren’t doing was taking the advice of those that they were sharing their alcoholism struggles with.
I had a dear friend of mine who became quite an important mentor to me who when I approached him would ask “are you looking for my advice or are you looking for my opinion?“ If I said I was looking for his opinion he would suggest that we just go have lunch. He would then add if you were looking for my advice let’s sit down and talk. He understood the difference and he also understood when I was trying to baffle him with bullshit rather than try to find a solution to the problem, I said I was having. This is so common with people of addiction and codependence.
Stephen Covey stated, “every major scientific breakthrough came as a result of a break with.” I love that quote because it illustrates to me that until I’ve reached the end of my sufficiency, I’m not going to be willing to surrender to the requirement that would allow me to move up. I must acknowledge my bottom before I can go up. A bottom is a relative term relegated to the person experiencing it. Bottoms are as varied as there are people.
What makes a bottom so necessary and why are they so dangerous? First, bottoms are so necessary because unless you feel you’re at the bottom you think you have further down to go. Or maybe things aren’t as bad as others say they are. Consequently, we are not as concerned with going up because we have not reached the pain threshold that comes because of feeling Like we have hit bottom. After that, when we get to the bottom theoretically the only place to go is up, so it becomes “bottoms up.”
What makes a bottom so dangerous, outside of all those we have harmed along the way, at some point that bottom is death and there is no coming back from death. It is sad to consider that more people die from addiction than those who recover and become well. The reason for that is most alcoholics and drug addicts die on their way down and hitting their bottom is just a finality to a death that was inevitable. I hope you have hit your bottom and I hope you have seen the need for “Bottoms Up.”
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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