One of them biggest obstacles to anyone entering recovery is the notion that we can negotiate. When, the longer we think we can negotiate the longer it will take for us to recover and enter a new way of living. Our previous behavior, led to the results that we were getting, that led us to realizing we needed to make changes. That is all the negotiation that we are allowed. The path to recovery is non-negotiable. If we think we can negotiate what steps and how they are taken, we are likely not serious enough about our addiction to ever recover. True recovery occurs after true surrender. The right to negotiate that is part of that surrender. Negotiate is defined as bargaining or dealing with another or others as in preparation of a treaty or contract or in preliminaries to a business deal. It also means to manage transact or conduct. I am pulling this information from dictionary.com. If I truly surrender, what makes me think I can bargain or set up some type of deal that will allow me to do it my way. Had I been able to recover my own way or control my addictive behavior Then I would not be in the position I found myself in. There is no discussion or settlement or agreement and how something is done. One of them quote from the big book about the Alcoholics anonymous States “we have ceased fighting everything and everyone.”
One of the terms that is frequently used in various forms of recovery is the term “bottom “. A person who admits they are at the bottom would not seem to have anything left. If that person feels they do not have anything left than what lets them think they have a position to negotiate from. Negotiation is left to those who have something to offer. The only thing a person at their bottom can offer is surrender to their condition. The only thing that should be coming from the mind of a person at that position is “I’ve lost my way and I will do anything that you say. “Anything short of that, is not true surrender and without that sincere surrender that person will always feel they have something to negotiate. Only individuals who believe they have nothing to negotiate and become willing to listen to anyone that they have subjected themselves to stands a chance at recovery. If I am unwilling to cease all rights to negotiation, I will never be willing to fully and honestly do the work necessary to maintain 100% abstinence from my addictive Behavior nor will I do the work moving forward that will help ensure the daily reprieve I need to keep from relapsing.
I hope and pray that you will come to believe that you have nothing to negotiate when it comes to the complete surrender necessary for a full and lifelong recovery. Without this surrender and relinquishing of the right to negotiate the addicted person will likely relapse. It is only a matter of when.
Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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