10 Steps of Setting Boundaries Part2

Setting Boundaries Part 2. In part one we explored was to begin building the foundation for lifelong change and growth. We must continue this start by making steps 6-10 a part of a personal structure. Only a building fully built can achieve its purpose.

6. Consider your past and present.

How you were raised along with your role in your family can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries. If you held the role of caretaker, you learned to focus on others, letting yourself be drained emotionally or physically. Ignoring your own needs might have become the norm for you.

Also, think about the people you surround yourself with. “Are the relationships reciprocal?” Is there a healthy give and take?

Beyond relationships, your environment might be unhealthy, too. For instance, if your workday is eight hours a day, but your co-workers stay at least 10 to 11, “there’s an implicit expectation to go above and beyond” at work. It can be challenging being the only one or one of a few trying to maintain healthy boundaries, she said. Again, this is where tuning into your feelings and needs, and honoring them becomes critical.

7. Make self-care a priority.

Make self-care a priority, which also involves giving yourself permission to put yourself first. When we do this, our need and motivation to set boundaries to become stronger. Self-care also means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them. These feelings serve as important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.

Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind, and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”

8. Seek support.

If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, “seek some support, whether [that’s a] support group, church, counseling, coaching, or good friends.” With friends or family, you can even make “it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together [and] hold each other accountable.”

Consider seeking support through resources, too.: The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time and Boundaries in Marriage (along with several books on boundaries by the same authors).

9. Be assertive.

Of course, we know that it’s not enough to create boundaries; we must follow through. Even though we know intellectually that people aren’t mind-readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us. Since they don’t, it’s important to assertively communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary.

In a respectful way, let the other person know what, in particular, is bothersome to you and that you can work together to address it.

10. Start small.

Like any new skill, assertively communicating your boundaries takes practice. Start with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increasing to more challenging boundaries. “Build upon your success, and [at first] try not to take on something that feels overwhelming.”

Setting boundaries takes courage, practice, and support. And remember that it’s a skill you can master. Thank you for your time. Please remember to listen to the podcasts, tell a friend, and register for the newsletter below.