It seems that no matter how badly we want to break free from addiction, shame wants to hold us down until we drown. My original sobriety date was February 9, 1986. I was clean and sober for 71 days and then I relapsed. Five days later I was fortunate enough to come back to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. At the time my sponsor was Max B. Max was a very thoughtful person. He was also an outside of the box thinker. One of the things Max introduced me to was the power of emotions. In many ways, he believed his emotions held him captive long enough for him to become alcoholic. I mention that because one of our most powerful emotions is shame. Today’s podcast is a variation of a famous quote and is entitled “We have Met the Enemy and it is Shame.” I understand shame on a very personal level. I understand it in the lives of others. I was reminded this last week of how damaging shame is. Shame is most dangerous when we are the ones guilty of doing the shaming.
Shame is
- a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt
- shortcoming, or impropriety
- a condition of humiliating disgrace
- disrepute= Disrepute means lack or decline of good reputation
- a state of being held in low esteem
- something that brings censure or reproach
- something to be regretted
Overcoming shame needs to be both immediate and ongoing. It needs to be immediate becauseit will hold us hostage until it causes or death.
It needs to be ongoing because
- there will be things we need to clean up as we move forward
- new things we will need to remove as we grow
Therefore, we should consider the following things
- Reach out to someone and reveal our shame
- Begin seeing ourselves as a child of creation
- Acknowledge self-affirming aspects of ourselves
- Use positive power words to replace negative ones
- Adopt and practice positive life changing behavior
- Upon awakening, have a daily routine of personal reinforcement
When we do this, we stand a chance of replacing the person of shame with a person of hope.
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Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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