If you had told me five years ago that my life would look even more confounding on paper than it did currently, that I would be living with serenity and hope, my home would be a safe space for me, my children, and others, I would not have had the capacity to believe that. However, in fact, that is my story. In those 5 years, my son was diagnosed with a rare congenital heart condition. He has had four heart surgeries, three of them as an emergency. I am now a single parent to three teens. Their father is currently battling multiple cancers.
I have needed to sell my practice to care for my son’s health, and I am still unpacking the financial fallout of the effects of alcoholism. This is the reality I can radically accept while remaining hopeful. I know that my Higher Power is working to solve each challenge as it presents itself in my daily life and reveals solutions I cannot yet see. The steps have provided such a transformation in my perceptions and reactions that peace in any circumstance is possible when I surrender to the God of my understanding. It was not a sudden shift; it was gentle, gradual, just like this program, as I was able to begin practicing a new way of doing life.
Step Twelve in Al-Anon states, “Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” The beauty of this step is that it promises radical spiritual change for working the steps. This was so hopeful to me as the steps were read aloud at my first meeting. As I reflect on this last blog for the Twelve Steps, I am acutely aware of how different my life would look had if I had faced any single one of the challenges over the past 5 years without this powerful program.
The step also says we carry this message to others. There are a variety of ways we can do that. Al-Anon is a program of attraction. People will hopefully see me live out the faith, strength, and hope of this program and want that same experience in their storms. I remember feeling that way when I heard others and my sponsor shared with me, whether at meetings or privately. These steps offer a road map for a spiritual awakening that spills over into the very essence of my relationships and the way I can navigate what I would have called an impossible situation, prior to working the program.
There is a pillar of humility that comes with the culmination of these steps. The more I align my thoughts with my Higher Power, the more I grow in humility, and without that, there is no spiritual growth. Slowly, a subtle of unfolding my own inner beauty begins to emerge as I learn to trust God instead of my old ways of thinking and reacting. I gradually become living proof that miracles happen. The last part of this step has changed my life. “Practicing these principles in all our affairs” has become the beautiful surprise of this program in my life.
The steps and traditions have given me the ability to be relationally clean with my children, my friends, my employees, and my professional relationships. I do not have to react to everything that someone says, nor do I have to accept unacceptable behavior. I can be hopeful, confident, and loving in every situation. I start the day with a prayer to ask for God’s will be done, surrendering my own agenda. My living amends will forever be to allow my actions speak louder than my words.
“Example is not the main thing influencing others. It is the only thing.” ~Albert Schweitzer
