My name is Claudine, and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.

By saying these words everyday, I am constantly doing my first step. I will always identify myself that way to not lose track of why I am in recovery and why it is so important to work this simple program. At first, I just wanted to stop.

When suddenly I was defeated, I had 2 choices. I could either was to take my life away or I could ask for help. I am here now so I took the little pride I had left and went to see my family for help. They welcomed me like we welcome a newcomer in the rooms: no judgement, no hate, just some opens arms and lots of love.

Next thing I knew I had a meeting list from Cocaine Anonymous, because back then I only thought that I had a drug problem and in no way was I an alcoholic even if I was always drinking. I stepped into a meeting room on July 21st, 2014 at 12pm. Someone shook my hand, gave me a chair and a coffee (don’t know about you but I find that the coffee in the rooms is actually very delicious). I sat there and cried. I had no clue about the steps, the traditions, the serenity prayer and I could not care less about God. I just knew that I was being released of something and it felt good, even with all the darkness around me.

I took my newcomer chip and went on my way. I was still drinking but I was thinking it was ok because it was only 1 or 2 beers and that I didn’t take drugs. It was ok until It wasn’t and I needed to stop.

I was drunk on the side of a convenient store at 3:30 in the morning and I had $20 in my hand. I had 2 choices: call my drug dealer, or call a sober friend. I called the friend.

On August 23rd, 2014 I took another newcomer chip and really admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and other mind-altering substances. I wanted to do anything in order to stay sober. I wasn’t ready for that whole God or Higher Power thing, but I kept coming back and I was in the rooms every single day, making coffee, stetting up the rooms, shaking hands with everyone. I’ve let go of some old friends, I reported to my family every day about my spending and my whereabouts but the main thing is that I was staying sober.

Eventually the pain inside of me started to go away but I needed something more, something powerful and what is that you may ask? It’s called God as I see him or a Higher Power. That my friend is the key to a balance in my life. Without my Higher Power I wouldn’t be here today. Little by little I started this relationship with my Higher Power that evolved into something so beautiful and magical and every day this wonderful relation keeps on growing.

Why?

Because I pray, because every morning I ask my God to decide on my day, because when I think I’m doing something wrong I ask for forgiveness right away. Because without God I would be a lost soul. I’m powerless over so many things and by not controlling what’s happening I am accepting what is coming my way. Without God I’m mad, resentful, scared and out of control. I meditate every day; I’m redoing my steps with the big book with a wonderful human being who’s showing me who I can be. I’m involved into the fellowship, I’m a GSR, I welcome the newcomer and the old timer because this simple program was made for the alcoholic or drug addict who still suffers. I share what I’ve learned, and I listen to what others are saying. By the grace of My God I have learned to be responsible, caring and be grateful and mostly I’m sober. If not for this spiritual program I would have not been able to survive 2020. When I’m thinking about everything the fellowship has giving me, I can only be grateful and truly happy.

They say ‘’are you willing to go to any length?’’ Yes, I was and yes, I am. The promises do come true if you work it one day at a time.