Have you ever caught yourself aggressively replaying some conversation or interaction from the past? Or have you caught yourself rehearsing some future conversation or scenario in your head? Both of those things bring me to an awareness that I am not present. In Al-Anon, we call that obsessive thinking. Either ruminating about some previous event that I cannot change or obsessing about some future event that hasn’t even come to pass—neither of these is beneficial to me nor the relationships in my life.
It reminds me of an episode of Seinfeld where George thought of something he wanted to say after the fact and tried to re-create the scenario so he could say what he wanted to say in the first place. While it makes for hilarious TV, what made me laugh was being able to relate. Step six in Al-Anon states “We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
“Some of those words might make you feel uncomfortable. I know they made me squirm a bit the first time I went through the steps. If I were being honest, at the time I wasn’t entirely ready to do anything other than live life my way. My concept of surrender was limited. It looks more like making my plans and asking God to rubber-stamp them or bless my plans. What would it look like for me to let go and let God do this work in me?
In my journey, I’ve learned to focus on three of my favorite “A” words: awareness, acceptance, and action. My work up to the point of this step had made me acutely aware of my shortcomings, my “defects of character.” How have they served me in the past? What about these traits that were stunting my growth moving forward? For example, my self-righteousness, denial, and controlling behaviors had served me in some way up to this point. I could now recognize those very things that kept me from being able to look at my part in the discomfort in my life.
What I also love about step six is the fact that it just requires a willingness on my part. It says I was entirely ready. It doesn’t say I do the work or take action, it just said that I brought an attitude of willingness. A choice to surrender and let go. As I’ve shared in many blogs before this, I was so ready to feel different, I was willing to do whatever was asked of me to move forward.
My role in my relationship with God was to accept exactly who I was, flaws and all—or as my sponsor calls them— overworked strengths and let go of everything that stood in the way of my growth and health.
My very favorite verse in all of scripture is Philippians 1:6 and it simply states that “he who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it…” what a powerful shift this was for someone who had always been striving to be better, do better. That work is up to a power greater than me. My job is to show up willing. There can be part of this work that seems scary and painful.
To fully accept who we are exactly where we are at, requires taking off the cloak of denial, or self- righteousness, or altered reality, and simply being present with ourselves. There’s something very powerful in standing in your truth. It opens a door forward. It reminds me of a favorite quote by Gandhi that I see every time I enter my therapist’s office. It says, “Truth is by nature self-evident. As soon as you remove all the cobwebs of ignorance that surround it, it shines clear.” Wishing you courage and love as you stand willing in your own truth.
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