One of the most challenging things for any person of recovery is holidays and the triggers that often accompany them. In the beginning, holidays can be the most challenging obstacle to our personal recovery. This is true whether you are an addict or a Co-dependent. Keep in mind that most addicts are also adult children of Alcoholics, therefore co-dependent as well. Keeping this in mind, there are things that we can look out for that can help us stay insulated against relapse while enjoying ourselves in this festive and holiday season. Here are a few of the things that we need to look out for as we approach this time of year.
For the addict
- Expectations when not met can disappoint us and cause emotional distress.
- Personal condemnation is also something to be very aware of. If we are still beating ourselves up over our past, then our present is never going to feel comfortable. We will not fit in regardless of how well we are greeted.
- Irregular people can be another obstacle for us. An irregular person is someone, through blood or social circumstances, who is a part of our personal and family life. They can be a person who is always been an obstacle for us, and we have never felt supported by. We cannot ignore them in spite of not seeing eye to eye with them.
For the Co-dependent
- The fact it is a holiday and nothing else can set off a trigger and begin to create imaginary pressures as we feel the need to perform. As co-dependents we become performers. Our role is based on the uncomfortable situation we are in.
- Sometimes it is traditions that do not come with fond memories and yet we are expected to engage in these traditions as if they do. We oftentimes resent the tradition and those who “force” us to participate.
- That feeling of requirement to give unwelcome family members emotional access to us, just because it is the holidays, and they are family. We often ignore or expand boundaries we are not comfortable with to accommodate this emotional requirement.
These are some of the triggers that could be presented to us along the way. We do the best we can to navigate through them. Sometimes the best defense we have is to know that they exist, and we go into our situation expecting them with a proper defense. Sometimes, our best friend is time. The further we continue to practice good mental and emotional health the better off we will be.
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Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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