“Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
Step Ten suggests a daily honest appraisal of ourselves. I am human, and even the most rigorous undertaking of steps 1-9 will still leave me with room for daily and ongoing improvement. I can view this opportunity with resistance or a welcome chance to clean the slate each day. This allows me to live free of building resentments, shame, or regret. Was I kind today? Was I true to myself? Could I have done something different that would leave me with a greater sense of peace at the end of the day? These are a few questions I can ask myself each night as I reflect on my day. Step Ten is a gift.
It has been said that the quality of our lives depends on the quality of our choices. How do I evaluate this if I am not willing to do some self-reflection on a regular basis? This step encourages me to make amends promptly. It allows me to minimize problems. It has been five years since I found the beauty of this program. This path has me working on the steps, sponsorship, and new life perspectives. As a result, it has allowed me to live with more courage and confidence. I can’t think of any unattended business I have with anyone that I have relationships with. What a beautiful way to live.
One Al-Anon workbook references this step with the heading: “Uncover, discover, and discard.” I think that is a valuable way to see Step Ten. When I become aware of anger or hurt, I can examine it. I can ask what my part is. This is the “uncover” part of this step. Do I need to make amends to another or to myself? If so, I can do it immediately. Most often, this frees me to let this discomfort pass but also makes me better for it. I can think enough of myself to face the truth of my life and take personal responsibility. This is the “discover” part of Step Ten.
What do I want to take forward from any given day or situation? What can I do differently next time? I can decide what works for me. This is the “discard” part of this Step. The beauty of living in the program is the freedom of flexibility. I don’t have to be so rigid. For so many years I thought a boundary was an immovable wall. What I know now, after returning to Step Ten over and over is that what worked for me three years ago, in any given circumstance, isn’t necessarily what works for me today. I can adjust accordingly.
The most beautiful part of Step Ten is it allows me to grow in my strengths, let go, and grow from my shortcomings. Nothing is a life sentence. Self-awareness doesn’t have to be scary. In fact, it can be a tool to look back to see how far we have come. It is a daily commitment to healing.
Two of my favorite quotes from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon regarding Step Ten are:
“An occasional review of my progress is an encouraging exercise, for it shows me that I am gradually learning how to live in poise and serenity.”
“The purpose of my inventory is to get a clear picture of where I now stand, to recognize shortcomings that still need to be corrected, and not to use any self-deceiving means of justifying them.”
May we live eyes and hearts wide open, willing to look honestly at ourselves and make adjustments where we are convicted to do so.
