Sometimes saving others looks a lot like saving yourself. I will never forget reading an Al-Anon piece of literature that said, “My mom saved us when she saved herself.” I remember speaking to my therapist about how profound that was in my spirit. My therapist decided to write it down on a piece of paper and handed it back to me. I kept that paper in my wallet for years. In fact, it became a catalyst for me. I knew one thing for certain; I could change myself.
I began to take inventory of what I could do in my own life to care for me. The things that I fed my mind and my spirit were an important place to start. I knew for many years that my alone time in God’s Word had the biggest impact on my life. I began to be aware that movement and exercise were important to me. The music I listened to and the people that I gave access to my energy were also momentous choices. I began to make choices that more fully fed my spirit.
Incredibly, things got better for my kids as well. I began to under-react. There was less noise in our home. There was more peace. There was laughter again. There was hope. As John Maxwell states “if there is hope in the future, there is power in the present.” I was finding that power as my hope increased.
As an employer, I had often told my staff that we are only as good as our worst team members. That is true in the workplace and in our homes. It is possible that I had become the sickest member of our home, trying to change someone else’s behavior.
After over three years of living with this new perspective, I’ve realized the best choice I can make for my children is also the best choice for myself. Every day I look for ways to choose what is best for me spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Do I get it right 100% of the time? Of course not, but I can be patient with myself and know that progress, not perfection, will have a beautiful outcome.
Sometimes we need to say goodbye. Some goodbyes come suddenly and without warning, while others are anticipated and even recommended. Sometimes they are a relief. Sometimes they hurt deeply. We say goodbye to things, people, and places. Sometimes they are a relief, and sometimes they hurt deeply. When we say goodbye to things, people, and places, we also can be saying goodbye to beliefs and behaviors that become outdated.
Many of us, who have lived with addiction, stopped choosing ourselves. I want to encourage you from my own experience
When I’m better, everyone I love is better.
I wish you nothing, but love and light on your journey to saving yourself.
