I used to joke that I was the “queen of the ostriches,” forever with my head in the sand, refusing to accept the absolute reality of my situation. As a grateful Al-Anon, one of the most significant paradigm shifts I made was that of practicing radical acceptance. For me, this means completely accepting things exactly as they are. Not as I wished they would be, not as I hoped they would be, but as they truly are. The sooner I can do this, the less energy I expend in denial, bargaining, ruminating, or otherwise, using my energy for something I simply cannot change. This allows me to immediately use that same energy to focus on the next right thing in front of me.  

I once heard a member at a meeting give an example of where she could put radical acceptance into practice. She said her child had thrown their shoe on the roof and her first reaction was to yell, ground them, and proceed to tell them how much the shoes cost. None of that changed the fact that the shoe was on the roof. While she continued to rant, her friend quietly got a ladder, easily got the shoe, with the assistance of a broom, all in less than the time it took her to thoroughly exhaust her energy on her playful child. Her friend quietly handed her the shoe and left. The member said it was such a profound example for herself in realizing that in that same amount of time, she would have solved the problem and not broken her child’s spirit.  

That share made such a profound impact on me as well. It has brought me back to the present on so many occasions. It gives me just enough pause to ask myself if any of the discomfort I’m feeling about something stems from my wish to change something about what is. 

It is a pleasure to share with you what a beautiful thing it is to live in radical acceptance. It frees me to feel more joy. Acceptance allows me to remain present in all my relationships. It also has saved me many amends.  

The next time you face an unforeseen circumstance, COVID 19, job loss, or a loved one, don’t focus on what you wish was different, excuse behavior, or deny the presence of the circumstance; instead, choose to say, “This is my present reality!” Then ask yourself how you can best do the next right thing in front of you. Even if it’s just breathing and practicing some self-care until a solution presents itself.  

I use these circumstantial moments to read some literature, reach out to a friend in the program, and/or exercise, a great way to keep me from saying or doing something I may regret later.  

I could say so much more about how this seemingly simple concept has transformed my life… I am sending all the love and light your way as you embrace your life exactly as it is. This is the first part of the serenity prayer!

You can find me on Instagram @suzydmd

Suzy

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