Toxic Shame. Richard Gannon defines Toxic Shame as a neurotic, irrational feeling of worthlessness, humiliation, self-loathing and paralyzing feeling that has been inflicted onto an individual through repeated, traumatic experiences often, but not always, rooted in childhood.
Essentially, toxic shame is what happens when feeling badly about aspects or the totality of we are is as if it were stamped into our DNA.
This is one of the reasons there is no quick fix, we will likely require the help of someone else and we may not accomplish complete removal in our lifetime. Having said that, there is hope for us. We must first identify Toxic Shame as a block wall in our life. If we don’t go around it or find a way through it, we will spend our lifetime pounding our head against it.
As people of recovery, especially those of us who are alcoholic or drug addict, the first thing we MUST do is make a daily commitment to not drink or use. When we are under the influence very little of substance will be absorbed our acted upon.
Let’s look at some things we can do to minimize the negative results of Toxic Shame as we reduce it from our identity.
- Recognize that we are suffering from something we did not do to ourselves.
- Realize that people who bring us harm were likely harmed themselves
- Be willing to forgive others
- Share, share, share and just when you think you have shared everything share more
- Establish positive reinforcement statements and practice them throughout the day
- Change old playgrounds/playmates that have any associations with the shame
- Seek professional help without guilt
- View the progress as a daily journey not a predetermined destination with a timeframe
- Love others as you with to be loved
Taming Toxic Shame is something that is very necessary for most all people. Most everyone has experienced on some form or another. As mentioned in our definition, for some of us it has become paralyzing. Together we can overcome this and live wonderfully productive and healthy lives.
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Robert Pardon
Robert is the Recovery Guy. Getting clean and sober on April 25, 1986 has given me the insight and practical skill set to not only stay sober, but to also re-invent myself to the person I always wanted to become. Showing others how to do this is my life goal.
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